— Jack Kerouac (via cityyandcolour)
Today, I thought about a quote from “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”, which goes “we accept the love we think we deserve.” I realized that many of the important relationships in my life have stemmed from my subconscious notes of people who may not accept the actual love that he/she/they deserve. I have never before put these strings of similarities together. However, tonight I think that I connected many of the people, personalities, histories, and relationships that exemplify this idea in my life—all being connected by the feeling that a specific person deserved better than what they were accepting.
A particular person comes to mind in recent days. Today, I connected a conversation we had with my own feelings of her deserving more than she was accepting—overall, and not just in recent days. I felt drawn to this person, for one reason or another, but today I thought it could be because of this instinctual need to make people feel wanted, accepted, etc.
Perhaps it is not my duty to spend the energy telling all of the people I feel drawn to that they deserve more than they are accepting, but perhaps it is. Maybe in the next year, I can find a medium between exhausting my energy to make people feel loved/wanted and simply bringing to light that possibility of insecurities and absence of self-respect.
The Joyful Johnny Pistol
Today, I sat outside on my lunch break as I do every day. Watching traffic and passers-by has become a nice way to pass time, even though it is so darn cold out. When I got home, I budgeted my next two weeks as strictly as I could manage. The first two weeks of the month I have little room for wiggle because of bills, but the last two weeks I will have some wiggle and use this wiggle to save a little and have a little more frivolous fun. All in all, the budgeting was not as nerve racking as I thought it would be. Resolution in play, feels good.
Here’s to a new year. The joyful Johnny Pistol is at it again with greater intentions for this year.
This is a photograph of my resolutions for 20-13 made by myself in the past few days.
With these resolutions, I intend to make this year a great year, a fun year, and a productive year. I strive to be a better gentleman, a better son, and a better brother.
I make these resolutions with the invention of making myself a better person, so that I can be a better me for others. I intend to post my successes, as well as my struggles, on this blog so to inspire others. I hope that my followers enjoy my adventures and my tribulations this year in 2013.
Here’s to a new year, y’all.
the joyful Johnny Pistol
Nobody ever takes my eyes off of you.
Andy Hull, you hometown hero you.
Glad to be enjoying the hoiday with my bro, Erin, and Jess! There is a relaxing cheese plate evening in store for Christmas Eve. I wouldn’t ask for more.
Happy Christmas to all!
These days in an empty house, empty of humans for unfortunate circumstances, leave this man to thinking about how delicate life is and how grateful I am to have some of the best people in the world as friends and the best brother a guy could ask for.
My brother, Tiger, is currently very ill and in the ICU fighting to get healthy again. He’s a fighter, a go-getter, and my best friend. Having him pulled out of our house by a cruel illness is a heart-wrenching experience. I want to hold him and snuggle him for all that he is and all that he means to me.
Together, him and I go on the greatest adventures. We’re the lost boys. Many of our adventures are journeys of the heart that have pumped our souls full of an unwavering love. They weave us tighter. We know what each other is thinking more often than we know what we are thinking ourselves, we can understand each other when our minds are quiet and when our mouths are full. He is supportive, passionate, and honest. He is driven, hilarious, and oh so kind-hearted.
I can’t wait to have my brother back home in our house.
happy halloween, wherever you are.
been thinkin’ ‘bout ya.
Aside from my current dilema, what to wear to a wedding in a field, my worries seem to pass with ease these days. I am enjoying just being. Here, on top of a little big hill in the Shenandoah Valley, I’ve been able to do a lot of thinking about myself in a perspective that I never have before.
There is a huge part of me that has always required regimented schedules and peculiar particularities. I run like a well-oiled machine, a IH tractor, let’s say for my own sake. I’ve fallen into a routine here, on a daily basis, but also on a weekly basis. For example, on Sundays I go to Weasie’s Kitchen at nine-thirty, sit at the booth near the register, and am called “Baby” by my regular waitress. Not only do I love a woman who calls me “Baby”, but she knows exactly what I order every Sunday: coffee (black), water (no ice), two blueberry pancakes, two sausage patties, and the blueberry syrup (from Smuckers if y’all want to try it). I’m going to miss this part of my routine when I go back to Asheville, but I already have ideas for a new routine, which make the move that much less stressful.
Almost through with my time up here, this experience has really ‘changed’ me in a way of thinking. I’ve probably aged about ten years in this past month, but sure don’t look it! Thank heavens. I am grateful, with no exceptions for this past month. I suppose I wish my father was still around, but nonetheless we hardheaded Irishmen are steadfast in our own ways it seems.
So here’s to a learning experience. And…here’s to me going to cook another bangin’ supper for my mother and me.
I’d like to reflect a little more, perhaps tomorrow.